Tolu Odukoya-Ijogun is speaking tough! The mom of two who sometimes get lashed on Facebook for dishing relationship advise with many saying she is trying to take after her mom has said they should chill and she is only being her. According to her, her parents are relationship experts and that’s the major thing she has heard all her life and it’s only natural she gains from it and impact the knowledge into younger ones while still noting SHE IS VERY DIFFERENT FROM HER LATE MOM. In a recent interview, Tolu speaks on her marriage, how she stays away from kids until she had hers and the only reason she can encourage separation in marriage. Enjoy!
Why the interest in relationships?
I got a backlash on Facebook recently where people were
saying I’m not my mother, so why do I feel I can talk about relationships? And
it’s almost inevitable. I grew up in a family where my parents were very much
into relationships. My father would always counsel married couples. So would my
mum. And you saw her on TV with her show, Single and Married. So I have lived
in that environment where people are talking about broken marriages, what we
should not do or what we should do. How a wife should behave, how a husband
should behave and then, I didn’t get it. Now that I’m married, it finally makes
sense. Sometimes, when you hear something, you accept it without any basis to
really understand it better. Now, being married and understanding everything my
mom used to say then, and what my dad still says now, I feel I have a mandate
to help the single people before they enter; to let them know that there are
some particular questions they need to ask or talk about, some foundational
questions they need to ask or blocks they need to build before they enter this
thing. It is almost my own way of guiding. And also with the married women,
everything I have learnt in my four years of marriage, I also share with them.
Right now, a lot of young people are not staying in their marriages anymore. If
it’s not working, they jump out. And that’s how our own generation has been
sensitised. But one thing I’m learning, I’m very practical, and what people
will see on my relationship blog is that I am very straightforward. I don’t really
hide under the umbrella of spirituality but I try to relate things practically
to life. So I understand it better and then I can actually do what it’s asking
me to do. So what I try to do is bring it down to our level, explain in our own
language and get them to understand and just try to make everybody happy.
saying I’m not my mother, so why do I feel I can talk about relationships? And
it’s almost inevitable. I grew up in a family where my parents were very much
into relationships. My father would always counsel married couples. So would my
mum. And you saw her on TV with her show, Single and Married. So I have lived
in that environment where people are talking about broken marriages, what we
should not do or what we should do. How a wife should behave, how a husband
should behave and then, I didn’t get it. Now that I’m married, it finally makes
sense. Sometimes, when you hear something, you accept it without any basis to
really understand it better. Now, being married and understanding everything my
mom used to say then, and what my dad still says now, I feel I have a mandate
to help the single people before they enter; to let them know that there are
some particular questions they need to ask or talk about, some foundational
questions they need to ask or blocks they need to build before they enter this
thing. It is almost my own way of guiding. And also with the married women,
everything I have learnt in my four years of marriage, I also share with them.
Right now, a lot of young people are not staying in their marriages anymore. If
it’s not working, they jump out. And that’s how our own generation has been
sensitised. But one thing I’m learning, I’m very practical, and what people
will see on my relationship blog is that I am very straightforward. I don’t really
hide under the umbrella of spirituality but I try to relate things practically
to life. So I understand it better and then I can actually do what it’s asking
me to do. So what I try to do is bring it down to our level, explain in our own
language and get them to understand and just try to make everybody happy.
Are you not bothered about people thinking you’re just
trying to copy your mom?
trying to copy your mom?
I can never be bothered. My mom was Bimbo Odukoya. I’m Tolu
Odukoya-Ijogun. We’re two very different people. If I want to be like her, I’ve
failed in my ministry because there can only be one Bimbo Odukoya. There can
never be another one. And there can only be one Tolu Odukoya-Ijogun and that’s
me. I believe that I’ve been called to it. And I’m a very strong believer that
time will tell. You know, there are things that people start and after a while,
you say yes, this person was meant to do it. It’s something that I naturally
gravitate towards. And like I said, I can never be her.
Odukoya-Ijogun. We’re two very different people. If I want to be like her, I’ve
failed in my ministry because there can only be one Bimbo Odukoya. There can
never be another one. And there can only be one Tolu Odukoya-Ijogun and that’s
me. I believe that I’ve been called to it. And I’m a very strong believer that
time will tell. You know, there are things that people start and after a while,
you say yes, this person was meant to do it. It’s something that I naturally
gravitate towards. And like I said, I can never be her.
What is different about you?
The way and manner she went about her things is definitely
not the way and manner I will go about
not the way and manner I will go about
mine. The experiences that she had are
not the experiences that I have. I have been blessed to have learnt under her.
I saw her at home; I saw her in church. I saw who she was 360, so I have a view
that most people don’t have. Seeing that and now being in the same situation is
almost like I already know the right thing to do. I have to do them but at the
same time, I have to justify them in my own way. In the way young people think
today because like I said, people don’t have time anymore. If it’s not working,
it’s not working. But then again, from a Christian perspective, I have to see
why it’s not working. I then take everything momsie has said and break it down.
Now I’m understanding because I’m breaking it down. Now I realise that love is
not a feeling. It is a decision. You choose to love. You choose to constantly
love. You choose to forgive. You choose to make it work. It’s not about how you
feel. What I do is, I try to point out to those who are coming in that yes, you
could have feelings. That’s good. But it has a lot more to do with your
decision and your maturity in what you’re trying to get into. So the way I
would look at it and the way I would put it down would be totally different
from Pastor Bimbo.
not the experiences that I have. I have been blessed to have learnt under her.
I saw her at home; I saw her in church. I saw who she was 360, so I have a view
that most people don’t have. Seeing that and now being in the same situation is
almost like I already know the right thing to do. I have to do them but at the
same time, I have to justify them in my own way. In the way young people think
today because like I said, people don’t have time anymore. If it’s not working,
it’s not working. But then again, from a Christian perspective, I have to see
why it’s not working. I then take everything momsie has said and break it down.
Now I’m understanding because I’m breaking it down. Now I realise that love is
not a feeling. It is a decision. You choose to love. You choose to constantly
love. You choose to forgive. You choose to make it work. It’s not about how you
feel. What I do is, I try to point out to those who are coming in that yes, you
could have feelings. That’s good. But it has a lot more to do with your
decision and your maturity in what you’re trying to get into. So the way I
would look at it and the way I would put it down would be totally different
from Pastor Bimbo.
What is that thing that would make you advice somebody to
leave his or her marriage?
leave his or her marriage?
I think physical violence is that thing that would make me
advice one to leave. Because, if a person is dead, there’s nothing we are
talking about. When there’s physical violence in any marriage, one thing I
advise is separation. Let both parties calm down, let’s understand the root
cause and know if we can compromise and reach a decision to move forward. Now,
if we see that it’s not going to happen, we have to just pray because we cannot
afford to lose a life. Physical violence is a no no.
advice one to leave. Because, if a person is dead, there’s nothing we are
talking about. When there’s physical violence in any marriage, one thing I
advise is separation. Let both parties calm down, let’s understand the root
cause and know if we can compromise and reach a decision to move forward. Now,
if we see that it’s not going to happen, we have to just pray because we cannot
afford to lose a life. Physical violence is a no no.
What is a typical mom chores for you?
Becasue I’m a working mother, I always wake up first before
everybody in the morning obviously. I try and get eldest of my children ready
for school and go back to the room. By the time I am back in the room, Mimie is
awake jumping and trying to get out of her court, take her out of her court,
take her to her daddy. Taking care of them is very interesting. While taking
Bella to school, we pray in the car, make some ryhmes and recite our memory
verses and try to encourage her. By the time we get to school, I drop her off
and in the afternoon her nanny will go pick her up at school because I work and
I am always rushing to get back home and the most interesting part of my day is
when my baby runs towards me and give me a big hug and then five minutes after
getting home the headache starts, Mommy I want this, Mommy I want that and it’s
a pain you enjoy somehow because when they go to their grandma I miss the
noise, I miss the bugging, I miss the headache. It’s amazing you know, you just
have to ask God for patience, because God is actually showing you how He sees
you, so you just have to be patient and it has actually made me patient, my
kids have made me more patient. I never really liked children when I was
growing up, I didn’t even carry babies, I always used to think kids were just a
bunch of wahala and stress till I had my step brothers, so I started carrying them,
play with them so they kind of got me ready for my own children; so they came I
was more embracing and that motherhood thing came, it was fun.
everybody in the morning obviously. I try and get eldest of my children ready
for school and go back to the room. By the time I am back in the room, Mimie is
awake jumping and trying to get out of her court, take her out of her court,
take her to her daddy. Taking care of them is very interesting. While taking
Bella to school, we pray in the car, make some ryhmes and recite our memory
verses and try to encourage her. By the time we get to school, I drop her off
and in the afternoon her nanny will go pick her up at school because I work and
I am always rushing to get back home and the most interesting part of my day is
when my baby runs towards me and give me a big hug and then five minutes after
getting home the headache starts, Mommy I want this, Mommy I want that and it’s
a pain you enjoy somehow because when they go to their grandma I miss the
noise, I miss the bugging, I miss the headache. It’s amazing you know, you just
have to ask God for patience, because God is actually showing you how He sees
you, so you just have to be patient and it has actually made me patient, my
kids have made me more patient. I never really liked children when I was
growing up, I didn’t even carry babies, I always used to think kids were just a
bunch of wahala and stress till I had my step brothers, so I started carrying them,
play with them so they kind of got me ready for my own children; so they came I
was more embracing and that motherhood thing came, it was fun.
Follow Us on Facebook – @LadunLiadi; Instagram – @LadunLiadi; Twitter – @LadunLiadi; Youtube – @LadunLiadiTV for updates
