Hadiza El-Rufai, first wife of former Kaduna State governor Nasir El-Rufai, has revealed that she never planned to enter a polygamous marriage when she tied the knot
In a post on X on Sunday, she shared her thoughts while responding to a discussion sparked by a lawyer’s announcement that he was taking a second wife.
“My husband was raised in a polygamous family, while I, by contrast, grew up in a monogamous one,” she wrote. “When we agreed to get married, I envisaged a monogamous marriage, even though the subject was never discussed.”
Mrs. El-Rufai explained that their marriage later became polygamous by her husband’s decision, but she chose to stay.
“Now I find myself in a polygamous marriage, not by choice initially, but subsequently by choice,” she said. “I say ‘not by choice initially’ because the transformation of our marriage from a monogamous one to a polygamous one was my husband’s choice and not mine. I say ‘subsequently by choice’ because deciding to remain in the marriage was my choice and nobody else’s.”
She also noted that under Islamic law, a woman has the right to leave a marriage without providing a reason, as long as she returns the dowry. “We got married under Islamic law and under that law, a woman reserves the right to opt out of a marriage, even without giving a reason. One condition, though, is that she must return the dowry that was paid to her. Could that have influenced my decision to stay? Because, frankly, by that time, I don chop my dowry clean mouth.”
Reflecting on her experience as the first wife in a polygamous marriage, Mrs. El-Rufai highlighted some benefits, saying: “You’ll have more time to focus on your career, your interests and do what you’ve always wanted to do. You’ll have more time for your children. The wahala of in-laws will be divided and shared.”
However, she added that she could not identify any benefit of polygamy for men and advised individuals to make personal choices that work best for them.
Nasir and Hadiza El-Rufai met in 1976 at the School of Basic Studies, Ahmadu Bello University, Zaria, and married in 1985 in Kaduna. Hadiza is a writer and novelist, and the couple have children together.
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No woman can stand polygamy
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