Quite A Number Of Nigerians Smell! Uti Nwachukwu Writes On Body Odour

Uti Nwachukwu in a new article has taken his time to advise
Nigerians on how to be hygienic. In the article Uti wrote about how so many
Nigerians smell, and not wanting to make them feel bad, their friends refuse to
tell them the truth. He also said, this has made quite a number of people lose
their jobs, and there’s nothing compared to being clean. The article;

DANG!!! Did that just come from you?Usually that’s what goes
through your head if you are cursed to be seated close to someone with rancid
breath or even worse if you end up in bed with someone who has become one with
body odour.

Yes, my fellow Nigerians. Quite a number of you smell. Be it
body or mouth odour but it has become a threat to social existence in our
society because some of you are so selfish and too wicked to bother about
personal hygiene. Only money money money una de think? It’s not fair ooooo. Continue below…

Come on people, do you know that the way you smell can even
favour or be bad luck to you when you are trying to get employed?

I know of a model that was hot and when the designer asked
her to try on the clothes, the minute she took her top off. The designer
“change face” and said “you know what, I’ve changed my mind, your agency will
get back”.

He then went back to the casting crew and said : WTF? She
smells like s***.

This also happens to male models regularly and designers
complain. I understand because a friend once borrowed my shirt and I had to
turn it to a  rag afterwards. On the
other hand, my good friend in Benin borrowed my singlet and it came back
smelling of how your box smells when you travel to Jand. Get this, it was
unwashed. Now that’s a clean person.

First things first- Armpit/ Body Hair

Nigerians! We live in a temperate region of the world. It’s
hot and humid. Male or female , why on earth will you allow your armpit hair
grow out?

Do you not know that hair in closed places traps bacteria
and builds up gunk that will now smell? Habah now!

With or without antiperspirants, shave your armpit hair. I
know some guys that will say oo it’s manly to have hair in your pits. Really??

To choke the babes that you are hugging or dancing with is
manly? And you wonder why the girls go home with the metros*xual men more. Smh.

Brosiyeeeeeee. Shave your pits. Nigeria is too hot, plus no
matter what you say, hairy armpits are unsightly.And invest in really strong
antiperspirants. Abeg, for the sake of your friends and girlfriends.It’s quite
embarrassing to tell you but trust me, if you have armpit hair in Nigeria you
do smell after a while and people just don’t want to tell you.

Don’t even come with that crap about not being able to
afford body sprays. There are very cheap ones if you don’t have enough money.
Some go for as little as 150 Naira. No excuses. Buy them and use, I’d rather
chill with a local person smelling good cheap than a classy person smelling
like carbide.

Body

Let’s go to the body…this is really controversial. As a
woman of course there should not be hair ANYWHERE on your body apart from your
head.

Someone shout out – Brazilian Wax. Hahaha kidding.

But even down there ladies, come on. What are you doing with
all that bush, abi you wan train hair to make short and curly weavon/wig to
sell?? Habah. You know how sensitive that spot is…the more shaved it is, the
less likely you are to have odours when you combine with your regular non soap
“surface” wash (seeing as it is a self cleaning organ. Hurray!!!)

Now guys. Smh….I remember in the University or was it
Secondary School sef. One of my roommates came in and decided to change after
classes. Omo the room actually changed when he took off his trousers, Gaddemm!

How do I describe this smell. Like egg wey dem troway inside
dustbin and forget take trash out overnight. I was in shock.

Guys, guys, guysss! Stop with this: “It’s not masculine”
talk. If you can use a clipper to shave your armpit hair because you will sweat
in Nigeria, that body hair will trap odour o!

If you are hairy, please shave your torso. Leave the ones on
your legs and arms but please shave every other area. When you travel to cold
regions. You can let it grow.

And, pleaseeeee shave you privates o! Our organ ain’t self
cleaning o and circumcised or not, if not groomed it will stink. Don’t believe
me? If you have an afro wig down there, after a long day scratch and sniff your
fingers (like u all normally do) hahahaha.

It’s okay to have very low hair (carpet) on the Pelvic/top
area so as not to breed endangered microscopic organisms.

But please use a clipper if you are prone to bumps to carpet
this area. But for the sack and the shlong abeeeeg shave clean, you can’t use
clippers, else it will cut your life. Use a shaving stick and shaving cream.
Luckily with the clipper, you can also shave the inner thighs and the dreaded
hind region. Yes I said hind region.

Lol, some of us have a rain forest there. Some people go say
“I be man I nor dey use am for anything,” errr you do know that when you have
hair there, believe it or not but particles of poo get entangled there unless
you have time to shower after every no 2 or use water.

And let’s face it, a lot of people don’t use water or shower
after every no 2. And yes it can trap tissue. Do you remember that song in
primary school? Craw craw deyyyy for person ny_____ Hahahaha.

One way to also keep that place very clean, is to use very
little petroleum jelly on your inner regions/thighs before you wear a fresh
pair of boxers daily. Lol, Yes o. Please wear your boxers once and throw it in
the laundry. No more 2 days rule. You dey shame as you de read this abi?

Lastly…Mouth Odour

KAI, Kai, Kai, Mbaaanuuuu!

This one is an epidemic. Is it our food? weather? Are people
using cheap toothpaste? What is it? If I meet 10 people in a day at least 7 of
them have some kind of funny breath.

I have even had friends with pungent mouth odour and it used
to freak me out to watch their babes kiss them. I’m like are you kidding me?

Even entertainers! How can you allow your mouth smell?
Habah!

I have a friend whose breath smelled like he ate a dead rat
in spoilt beans and drank gutter water to wash it down. Kaiii, I’m not exaggerating.
This mouth odour had jurisdiction o.No matter how far he was, as long as he was
in the same room you would smell it. Torture.And my other friends that were not
fond of him would tease him behind. “Uti why dis your guy mouth de bugga”

So I’ll share with you what I smartly suggested to him
(without telling him his mouth was smelling) and it worked. Now he dey form big
boy, dey do like he always had clean mouth.

Apart from visiting your dentist, Here it goes;

Rule number 1: Abeg, do not use your toothbrush for more
than a month. Please buy a new one at the end of every month. That thing is
used to remove dirt and bacteria every morning and night. And yes brush twice.

-Use good toothpaste o, fluoride toothpaste. That fights
tooth decay, plaque and bacteria,

-Use dental floss. Toothbrushes can’t remove all the
particles stuck between your teeth. If you no sabi use floss, YouTube search
the instructions.

-Mouth wash was made by geniuses. If you have bad breath
trust me you can taste it. So don’t lie to yourselves, there’s no way you will
say you don’t know abeg!

-Mouth wash kills bacteria that cause bad breath and also
fights plaque. It even helps to clean holes if you have. Use it everyday at
least for a while until your breath has been corrected. Then you can use as you
like.

-Tongue scrapper/cleaner comes in handy as well. The surface
of the tongue is a coven for bacteria because that is what you use to mix the
food as you masticate. You need to scra*e off the surface and leave it fresh
and clean because that thing will smell so bad if you let bacteria thrive.

-During the daytime buy and chew the sugar free healthy mint
gums if you go out to socialize. You can’t go wrong!

So that’s it o!! I’ve done my part to help you people o.
Don’t say I’m keeping these secrets to myself. LOL!

I’m not a doctor neither am I a health specialist, I’m just
a guy who has had experiences and does not joke with personal hygiene  – in me and in others.

Zero tolerance for unpleasant odours and trust me people
will get more comfy with you. There’s no harm in trying. Try it and see.

Thank me later.

And remember it always begins with a choice…..