It’s Time For A Makeover, Briton Writes Kate Middleton An Open Letter

Then again, I didn’t spend years hotly pursuing the heir to
the British throne, so no one cares how mad I look.

Kate Middleton, on the other hand, did — and so her
appearance is a legitimate concern for Her Royal Highness’s loyal subjects.

I speak, of course, of Eyebrowgate, which erupted after
Kate’s first official engagement of 2016, her appointment as Honorary Air
Commandant of the Air Cadets.

The fact that she became the first woman to hold this role
was entirely overshadowed by her right eyebrow being a good deal thicker and
darker than its sister.

To be fair, it’s an easy mistake to make, especially when
you’re in a hurry. But judging by the perfection of the rest of her (blow-dry,
fresh manicure), the Duchess had not been in a rush to get ready.

So what went wrong? Simple: she’s has two very young
children. And although her pregnancies appear to have had no effect whatsoever
on her trim figure, motherhood clearly shows in her face.

This is by no means a criticism. On the contrary, it’s a
badge of honour.

It proves that, unlike so many famous women who make a great
show of looking after their own offspring but in reality just farm them out to
a secret army of nannies, she’s a hands-on mother.

Those are eyes that know what 3.40am looks like; that is a
complexion that hasn’t had a decent night’s rest in months. She’s clearly not
spending hours having facials or massage treatments. She’s doing what most
young mothers do, i.e. being run ragged by tiny tyrants.

No, the issue here is that Kate isn’t doing too little, it’s
that she’s trying too hard. And she really doesn’t need to.

For years, she has maintained a rigorous
falling-out-of-Boujis-at-three-am look: too much black eyeliner, little or no
lipstick, matte foundation, peach blusher. Even hours after giving birth, there
she was, made up as if about to go nightclubbing.

But why? She’s bagged her Prince and they’re a family now.
Time to move on.

In fact, she needs to do what her mother-in-law, Princess
Diana, did all those years ago when she stopped being a malleable little Sloane
and started being a grown-up in her own right: update her style completely. For
Diana it began when she ditched the blue eyeliner and clumpy mascara.

Then she lost the Shy Di fringe in favour of a much edgier cut.
Finally, she stopped buying her clothes from Peter Jones and started
frequenting the designer rails at Harvey Nichols.

Kate can very easily do the same. A tired, puffy eye always
looks a lot worse with too much make-up, especially in shades of muddy purple.
Just keep it chic and simple with eye‑brightening shades of pale pink
and a soft, flattering line.

As for the brows, if ever there were a time to spend money
on professional services, this is it. Maybe some semi-permanent colour, too,
just to avoid a repeat disaster.

Next, the hair. There is no doubt it is beautiful. But it’s
also too long, shapeless and wholly lacking in style.

As for her wardrobe, the prim doors-to-manual air hostess
has got to go. Because when even the Queen herself, who is about to turn 90, is
pictured wearing more sequins, you know something’s not right.

But the main reason for ditching this look is that, at
Kate’s age, it’s a lot of effort for very little reward. She’s a busy mother,
wife and princess. There are better uses for her time than faffing around with
eyebrow pencils.

So come on, Kate, it’s time for a makeover. Your people
demand it.